My husband and I are separated and have decided on divorce for reasons I won't get in to. I know it's for the best but I've still struggled a lot with it. Most days I'm okay only because I use every ounce of strength I have just to keep myself together. I have my kids to take care of, a cat to care for, laundry to do, dishes to wash, food to cook. I don't have time for falling apart. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work. It takes so much out of me just to stay calm that I have my days where I'm just a mess and it hurts more than I ever thought possible. Its draining. It saps all my energy and affects every aspect of my life. I finally broke down and searched Google for divorce groups and came across a divorce recovery class. I emailed the coordinator for more information and we chatted for a bit. She finally sent me the link to register for the classes but I froze. I knew I was getting a divorce. I haven't seen my husband since December or spoken to him since May but I guess the reality of it hit me. I'm getting divorced. The man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with I was never going to see again. And here was this woman asking me to join her class to help get past it. I ended up staring at that email for a couple weeks. But today I quit thinking about it and signed up for the class. I need to quit sitting around thinking about how much it hurts, all our old times, what I wished would've happened. Wallowing in the pain isn't going to make it go away. It may never go away but atleast I can help it get better. I just have to try. So I am. The next set of classes starts in September so now I just have to wait. To be honest, it scares me. I've always had a problem with pushing the pain to the back instead of dealing with it. It'd help temporarily but slowly eat away at me over years. I can't keep doing that. The classes are through a nearby church and I haven't been to church in a long time so that makes me nervous also along with meeting new people. But then I remind myself, everyone has to start somewhere. These people who will be taking the class also have been in or currently are in my shoes also, dealing with the same things I am. All it could do is help. So I've gotta try. I'm anxious but also excited. Excited to start, excited to end, excited to move on with my life.
On a side note, Camryn informed me today that wedgies don't bother her because she's brave. Gotta love 3 year olds haha.
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